Cover letter for publishers

A Gentleman's Guide to Bottoming Out is an imaginary guide to the actual ways of the world as told from the perspective of someone who intimately knows the streets to someone like Paris Hilton who hasn't a clue. The divide between these two fictional characters - a wise-cracking, snarky, street-smart survivor who's been through it all, and the clueless super-rich who've been protected from hard-core reality all their life - is where the book finds its humor and unique point of view. It is not just aimed at rich people, that's a facade, the candy coating that allows anybody with financial problems and a sense of humor to dive right in. It will make them laugh, think, and learn, all at the same time; Swiftian social satire disguised as a genuine utilitarian guide to survival on the streets.

The book imagines a world in economic crisis, on the verge of revolution, where the distance between the classes has never been greater, where the illusory bubble of financial health can burst at a moment's notice, and someone bathed in luxury can find themselves fighting for the basics of survival. The recession has started. The book imagines reality.

It is the opposite of intimidating. It is the opposite of dry. It is illustrated, thin, and cheap; filed with the Chicken Soup books. The cover is everything. Get 'em laughing at the title and the cover and you've got a sale. It should have a fake "marked down" price, originally $20, now going for $5.95 for these hard times.

Inside, I picture a cartoon character like Mr. Monopoly put in different outlandish situations heading each chapter, along with charts, graphs, quizzes, quotes, a fun read that can be finished in a couple days and immediately passed along. I don't think it should be more than 50,000 words, not because I'm lazy, but because it will be padded out with illustrations, and the book really should be inexpensive, and that means not thick.